Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Northeast Driving by State

Okay, folks, since I've been on a few trips recently covering the entire northeast and some of the mid-Atlantic, I thought I'd give you my rundown on the apocalyptic state of driving. Now, remember, I come from New Jersey, long the home of the idiotic driver. Maniacal, dangerously fast, rude, super-aggressive and ignorant of many basic road standards such as: red lights, the use of directional signals, yield signs, speed limits, etc. Of course, I'm no saint, believe me, I drive consistently 5-10 miles an hour over the speed limit, race to beat the odd yellow light (which I proceed through before it turns red more often then not- nyah, nyah, nyah) and other traffic no-nos. But I've been driving long enough to finally have a pretty good idea of what's wrong in each individual state. Yes, there are striking differences between state drivers which most of you know already, don't you? Like Pennsy drivers strolling in the fast lane, right? Like Massachusetts drivers having no freakin' idea how to merge, right? Like NY drivers thinking the middle finger is part of their cars' equipment, right? Well, there's a lot more.

We've taken a trip to Maine recently, the southern Pennsylvania area last fall and one down to the D.C. area. The Maine trip was approximately 10 hours and it was a long, but actually pleasant trip. The Pennsy trip (Gettysburg - if you haven't ever been there, go! absolutely worth it) was surprisingly close and also pleasant. But I warn you now concerning driving south through Maryland - don't!!! Fly, take a bus, ride a train, HAVE SOMEONE ELSE DRIVE! The drive down there and worse, back, was horrific. Not because of the roads, or the directions, but simply because the drivers on the whole seem to have their respective heads up their respective arses. I've been through some bad trips (most of them auto related), but the 3 1/2 hour trip down to the D.C. area and the one back contained more moments of abject terror than any other I've taken. Between getting cut off at 65+ m.p.h. to having objects fall off trucks and striking my windshield to folks stopped on the frickin' highway for NO reason, I have to tell you the missus and I have basically vowed to skip any possibility of ever driving to this area ever again. I'm not one to be scared, as many who know me can tell you, but that trip back scared me. Yep, actual fear. Not once. Not twice. Three times. Three. Gadzooks.

Okay, now for the states. Some are actually good. Some not so good. Some are passable with bad habits, some are terrible with a few redeeming traits. These are my thoughts and mine alone. So nobody out there get your nose out of joint if I trample your state, okay? Generalities.

Maine - maybe the best of the bunch. Gracious, kind, polite, not too fast, but don't dawdle on the highways. I enjoyed driving in Maine and I don't remember yelling or cursing once while traveling their roads, local or highway. Plus, there are signs for individual sites everywhere, but they do need to increase their number of road identifiers. Once or twice we weren't sure what road we were on, but it never got to be a real problem. All in all, I wouldn't mind to drive in Maine or around Mainers all the time. Also, the town of Camden, where we stayed, has a rule where the cars stop for anyone crossing the street, and they do! We even got in the swing of things and wanted someone to cross in front of us so we could stop for them. Amazing! Wish that was the rule everywhere, but I'd bet it would never work in NJ. Never.
Massachusetts - well, they could be worse. I mean, they're no Marylanders. But honestly, why don't they know how to merge? Why are they never taught about the yield sign? I give them credit for one thing, on the highway, they're fast, as fast as NJ'ers or NY'ers. But as far as local driving goes, blech. As discourteous as anyone, and not terribly bright. They're the kind of driver that puts on their left turn signal and turns right. Not terribly bright.
Connecticut - now you'd think a state that has the highest per capita income, that has the highest ratio of white collar workers, a state that oozes money and politesse would know how to drive, wouldn't you? Well, nope. Not a bit. Idiots. Absolute idiots. On the highway, on local roadways, they're bozos. I mean, bozos, clowns, they're masquerading as drivers but they're really clowns. I sometimes can't believe they can drive so badly, but then I drive through there again and the feeling is reinforced, they blow. I've never seen so many roads that stop, especially highways, and it's not because of an accident, or a merging lane, it's because they just slow down, and then stop. I've never found the reason, but it's happened every time through the state. And another thing, what's with these left lane exits and entrances on their highways? Is there a reason they're the only state that does it? I know. It's because it DOESN'T WORK!
Rhode Island - not enough drivers to make a comment
New York - well, at least they drive fast. Fast on the highways, fast on local roads, fast in their driveways, you name it, they drive fast. Now that's not all bad, you know. Highway driving isn't that bad, especially upstate. They can be a bit impatient with out-of-staters, but overall, the upstate drivers aren't that bad. Now, the city and the island. Whew. Where to begin. More roads than anyplace, including NJ. More ways of getting somewhere than anyplace, even NJ. But more traffic jams than anywhere (never been to L.A., sorry). I mean, how can EVERY road be clogged? Every road??? If you drive at 3 a.m. you might make a smooth ride, but forget it if you have to get someplace fast, just forget it. And the drivers? They know where to go and how to get there but stay out of their way if you want to live. Rude beyond comparison, the aforementioned finger as an apparatus, they're the kind of driver you don't want to piss off because you don't know what they'll do as retaliation, I mean that. It's not a joke. Not the worst drivers ever, but the most dangerous. Seriously.
Pennsylvania - get out of the fast lane, please!!! I'm beggin' you, if you're gonna drive in the left lane, go fast! You're bordered by NJ and NY where it's a cardinal sin to dawdle in the fast lane, but you do it ALL THE TIME! It's the main reason I don't like driving in PA, but it's actually one of the few bad habits they have. Locally, they'rte a bit dense, but fairly kind, roads are marked for the most part, but some of the road conditions need improvement. The trip to Gettysburg was okay, and driving around the town was fine, even though they have such cockeyed road systems, but the drivers themselves were polite and knew most of the rules of the road. So Pennsy drivers, just learn about the keep right except to pass thing, and we'll be fine.
Delaware - see Rhode Island
Maryland - hoo-boy, the reason for this post is because of Maryland drivers. I've never been so amazed to have one state without one smart driver. I mean, every driver, local or highway, was an idiot. I couldn't believe it when I was down there, and I still can't believe it now. I'm honestly lucky to be alive. They have no idea how to drive on highways - tailgaiting, slow drivers on the left, fast drivers on the right, speeding up to prevent a pass, lack of using blinkers, never looking before changing lanes (especially when forgetting about the blinker thing), rudeness, aggressiveness, overall stupidity. I can't rail at them enough. They suck.
New Jersey - ah, where do I begin about my home state? On the highways? On local roads? Parkways? Turnpikes? Let's see, too fast, overly aggressive ALL THE TIME, never using the blinkers, having little idea about merging, having NO idea what a yield sign means, passing in a no passing zone, changing lanes over solid lines, jughandles, circles, and no idea how to drive those, I mean it's the worst. Except for Maryland.

I hate driving. Except in Maine.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so with you on this. That drive back from MD was the most scared I've ever been in a car and I accidentally went through a red light once (but that was in N. Hope, late at night & before all the people moved in so no one was on the road.)

    As for NJ - at least we know how to navigate a circle. ;)

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